


I Was An Alien Sex Slave

by Pollyanna



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Gen, X-Files Lyric Wheel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-03
Updated: 2011-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-15 08:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/159036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pollyanna/pseuds/Pollyanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The innermost thoughts of the oilien. (Written for the X-Files Beginnings Lyric Wheel.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Was An Alien Sex Slave

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the television program "The X Files" are the creations and property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting, and Ten-Thirteen Productions, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Written for the Beginnings Wheel, I think this qualifies as a kind of fresh start. Sue sent me the lyrics and having read them a couple of times, I thought they were very apt for the Oilien. The original plan was a profound piece on the interaction between the Oilien and humans, specifically with Krycek. Sometimes the best laid plans go astray!
> 
>   
> Spoilers: Piper Maru, Apocrypha

Nobody looking? No. Nothing to see here anyway. Just some human going to eliminate waste. Nothing suspicious. I'll just stand here next to the new vessel and he won't even notice me.

He's noticed me!

Definitely a sneaky one. But he's got his mouth open. Ha! A little overconfident are we, earthling? So just stay like that while I find the right hole.

Okay, that didn't go too badly. Yes. I'll admit that exiting through the hearing holes might not have been the best choice, but I've got myself back together again now.

Let's just take stock here. Okay, vessel is standing, facing wall. Male, so lower centre of gravity. I'll just turn round, take a step. Argh! No heels!

Why the water can't these earthlings make up their minds about the heels? Okay, they don't get a choice with the gender thing, but they need to come to some kind of consensus on the shoes. Let's take stock again. Flat on floor, face down, and the vessel is complaining loudly. In fact, yes, I think that's howling. Good job I've got control of the vocal chords. What's his problem anyway? Oh, the genitals weren't put away. Oops! That could have been embarrassing. The females are so much tidier. None of these dangly bits.

Up on knees. Tuck in dangly bits. I wonder if I can just push them right back up inside? More howling. That would be a no. Left? Right? Shouldn't there be some kind of undercovering? This is going to be tricky with the zip. At last, some co-operation from the vessel. Standing now. Slowly. A step ... falling ... another step quickly, and another, and another and I'm holding on to the washbasin. Whew!

Looking in the mirror at Alex Krycek, or is that Val Arntzen? Or Sasha Krysavitch? Ivor Bigwon? Cecil Throgmorton? Hold it! Hold it! Alex Krycek. That's the current one. You're sure about that? Right, now we're just going to coolly walk out of here, and Mr. Pain-in-the-ass Mulder won't notice a thing. Strange. I didn't think they'd be on first name terms.

Door. Door won't open! Oh, pull. It was push the last time. Can't they make up their minds about anything? Corridor, corner and there's Pain-in-the-ass. Should I say anything? No, stick with the silence. Oh water, he's speaking.

"Feel better?"

What shall I say, what shall I say? Don't panic. And stick to the truth, less to remember that way.

"I feel like a new man."

Cool. That's it, cool. Perhaps I'd better just do a quick check. Out, quick look round. Nobody watching. Pain-in-the-ass is following. Think I've got away with it.

Oh, torrential downpours! We have to go in the plane again. I hate planes. You'd think after fifty years that they'd have worked out how to go though air AND water. Now my ship can go through anything. Space, atmosphere, liquid. Oh my little shippikins, I've missed you so much.

~~~~

Ground! Ground! We're back on the ground. I want to fall flat again and hug it, but nobody else is doing it, so it might look a bit strange. Perhaps I could go and eliminate some waste and do it in the restroom. No. Pain-in-the-ass is pulling the vessel towards a desk. He's hiring a car. Another type of transport. So, where are we going? The vessel is being sulky, just because I only allowed him one portion of alcohol on the plane. Does he think I'm an idiot? This whole walking thing is difficult enough as it is.

And now we're going ice-skating? What is ice? Hard water? Ooh, that's kind of kinky. I can't believe I just thought that. That is so perverted. Fifty years without intercourse is just too long. The vessel is agreeing. He's not so bad really, this vessel. He doesn't gibber so much as the others, and he has good taste in colours. You can never go wrong with black.

But I'm getting distracted. We're going off to see the kinky hard water, and slide around on top of it. No, we're not. Okay, that's fine. I wasn't looking forward to it. Not one bit. So what are we doing? Oh, we're picking up the magnetic recording medium. That's good, I can work with that. Now Pain-in-the-ass wants something. What do you mean, don't give him the key? Of course, I'm giving him the key, it will keep him quiet. Now, that's just plain rude! Or, at least, I think it's rude. I didn't quite understand the bit about the crabs. Is there something about moving sideways that nobody's explained?

Driving. Driving. Bored. Even Pain-in-the-ass is quiet. This is a rare thing according to the vessel. I wonder if he suspects something. Perhaps I should start a conversation. Or we could pull over and have intercourse. In the dark he's beginning to look more attractive, and it would divert him. Oh, the vessel says that Pain-in-the-ass would think that was suspicious, and also he might shoot us which would be inconvenient. I wonder if he'd shoot before or after the intercourse. He's speaking.

"We're being followed. A dark sedan with its lights off. It was parked on the shoulder about half a mile back. Speed up. Speed up!"

Okay, okay, keep your hair on. I just need to choose a pedal. And I'm right! Yay, me! Sometimes I'm just so good at this, I impress myself. That other car is getting a bit close. Road hog! Will you stop doing that? Steering is hard enough at the best of times. Oh, wat..... Okay, stopped now. Pain-in-the-ass has gone quiet again. Now this one wants the tape. Ouch! That wasn't nice, and the vessel agrees. So, how do you like your meat? Well done or rare?

Let's go get the tape. Just need to get the key first. Perhaps while I'm groping through his pockets I could rub up against him. He's unconscious so he's not going to start shooting. Oh wait, there's a spare key is there? Why doesn't that surprise me? Okay. Let's go. And perhaps when we get there we'll just have one slide, just a small one, just, you know, to see what it's like. And then you can take me to your leader. Oh dear, the vessel has gone all awkward again, and we were getting along so famously.

~~~~

Almost there, almost there! The vessel is sulking, because I wouldn't turn his leader into a crispy critter. I explained that if I did that I wouldn't get back to my shippikins, but the vessel just kept yelling, 'Burn him, burn him! Turn him into a pile of ashes and leave him in the ashtray!' Some people can be so selfish.

Why are we going underground? They didn't? They did, the water-filled bags of skin! They put my metallic machine of love in the dark, away from the air and the sky. They are so going to pay for that!

Hold on, sleekipoos, I'm almost there. I'm coming as fast as I can. Oooh, this is gross, and the poor vessel isn't enjoying it much either, but I'll make it up to him, I'll show him the way out when I've finished. First though, I have to slide, slip, meld. Oh, space! I may be underground, but I'm seeing stars! Oh my red hot momma, you feel so good. Have you missed your little puddle?

Guh! That was, that was ... unbelievable. I mean, it could have been the whole not having any for fifty years, but I truly believe that was the best intercourse ever. Have to admit I'm feeling a little stretched though. I'll just have a little rest before we go again.

What's that noise? Oh, the vessel. What is he making all that fuss for? I told him I'd take him up the back passage later.

THE END

* * *

 __
    
    
     _ROUND THE UNIVERSE  
     by John Squire of The Seahorses_

 _  
_

_Did I step down from a spaceship  
that was orbiting your earth?  
Shining like a star above  
you way down in the the dirt  
Won't you take me to your leader,  
Won't you show me round the sights?  
I don't think I've landed here before  
but then again I might_

 _Because your face looks so familiar  
But your eyes have lost their shine_

 _I can take you round the universe  
in a hot wired police car  
We can ram raid Mars and Jupiter  
And drive right through a star  
There's one thing you can do for me  
hear me now my friend  
Tell me, tell me, tell me why,  
all good things must come To an end?_

 _Did I crash land in your conscience?  
Did I rain on your parade?  
Am I your alien abduction nightmare?  
Won't you be my slave?_

 _Is there anybody in there?  
Hey there earthling get the phone  
Your virtual reality's a house it's not a home_

 _Well a truth as strange as fiction is  
right there in your eyes_

 _  
_


End file.
